Thursday, November 3, 2011

The size of their toys

I've pasted below, but you can also read it here if you prefer. The folks there are more interactive. :D

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The thousands of spamvertisements that come in our email every day are a testament to folks' obsession with penis size, but is size what women really want? Certainly, there are women that are size queens, but they’re the minority. The real size queens are men (and no, I don’t mean homosexuals).

The obsession with size is a male perpetuated fear, created by men for men. Women don’t generally whip out tape measures the second you drop your pants. We don’t necessarily know our exact, ideal length and width. We have not calculated the perfect penile hypotenuse. It’s really not all about that.

The vast majority of women cannot orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. If you don’t believe it, Google it. You’ll find millions upon millions of articles on the matter, everything from, “Dear Abby, My husband is hung like a Clydesdale, but I can’t seem to orgasm – is there something wrong with me?” to clinical research that states the small percentage of women who orgasm through plain, old fashioned, penis in vagina sex. If you’ve always made a woman orgasm just by ramming her, she’s faking it (ladies, NEVER fake it, you’re just ruining it for anyone he meets in the future).

Your penis isn’t the only joy toy in the world. It’s not even the most popular one. Have you ever heard of a guy whose cock vibrates? A lot of women pay a lot of good money for items that substitute your penis. A penis doesn’t even have to be involved for amazing sex to occur. Just ask a lesbian. Think outside the box. Treat a woman like a violin, a small curvy instrument that if you place your face and both your hands upon properly, makes a beautiful sound. There are many ways you can stroke it to evoke these lovely notes. When was the last time you saw a guy play violin with his dick? Okay, there’s a lot of crazy stuff on the internet, but I bet it didn’t sound good.

If you are worried about your size, be it too big, too small, or average, there are ways to mentally prepare a woman for this. Do not bring up your penis size in the first conversation or first date or at all until you’ve gotten to know the woman a bit. Unless you’re confident sex will happen, don’t bring it up. First, if you do that and even if she never sees your penis, she’ll still tell all her friends about your small dick. More importantly, it will make you look like a socially retarded, self-conscious pervert that doesn’t know how to talk to a woman. If you’ve reached a point in your dating where you know sex will soon approach, take a confident, conscientious approach.

Never apologize for your penis. Your penis isn’t a job. It’s not like you have a crappy one because you’ve never worked hard. You inherited your penis. Damn DNA. In any case there is nothing you can do about it, but it’s not the only tool you’ve got. Presumably, you have hands, lips, and a tongue. If not, there are still a variety of toys out there that can help you out. Second, make sure the woman understands that it’s all about her. Don’t even think about your dick. It’s not about your dick. It’s about her pleasure. Not only will this open her up, but it will take a load off of you, because we all know what stress does to boners.

Tell her something like, “This is my size and it’s what I have to work with. If it’s not what you prefer, don’t worry, because I’m willing to do whatever it takes to please you.” Really emphasize the “whatever.” Also, you really do have to be willing to do anything she wants.

That’s the guy we want. That’s the guy who will set the standard for all our future lovers. That’s the guy we’re going to joyfully tell all our friends about. Don’t forget—women love to talk and if your skin tube account gets a lot of good comments, you’re going to get more hits. So, stop worrying so much about your size, learn a few new tricks, experiment with some toys. That’s how you can give her what she REALLY wants.

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